I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
