You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
