Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
