Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
