its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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