i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
