I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I believe in your delicious
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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