I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
