apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
