Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
