just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
