I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
