i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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