if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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