We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
