This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize