But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
