Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
