pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize