wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
