I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
