I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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