I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
