some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
