She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
