Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
