Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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