She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
