You really coming over, don't trick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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