Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
