I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
