the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
