I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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