I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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