For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
