Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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