After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
