You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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