If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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