Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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