A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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