I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
