:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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