o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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