Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
