oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
