and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is wine microwaveable?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
