ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
