so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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