i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
