I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
