The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
