its not stalking. its research.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
