I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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You made out with two different species that night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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