My balls are so social today.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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