Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i think i just lost a toe
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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