I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
