i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
