Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
