can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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