It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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