Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
