don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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