Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
