I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
