you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
