Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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