Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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