I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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