therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
