Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
