She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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