Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
