Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
