blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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