My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
