Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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